The Curse of a Girl Having a Crush
My friends are all in relationships that are healthy, which makes me realize that I want the “real thing” sometimes.
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5 min read
I still remember the feeling of having butterflies when a cute boy talked to me in elementary school. What did I know about anything to do with love? Nothing. My main concern was probably getting through the school day just to go home and watch my Barbie movies. I was maybe 10 years old, but I remember that nothing was more important to me than liking a cute boy from my school. Being 10 years old with a crush was easy. Seeing him in the hallways was enough for me, and that was never going to get out to anyone. It was my own little secret to think about. But one day, you grow up, and you’re a teenager in high school, wondering how to handle having a crush on someone. Once the secret was out (because it would always get out somehow), either something would happen between you two (unlikely), or you would want to die of embarrassment about the fact that he doesn’t feel the same way.
Having a crush used to be so easy. At the time, the whole world would feel like it was ending if he didn’t want to play tag at recess with me. Now, as an adult, I understand the curse of having a crush. At (almost) 20 years old, is it still right to say I have a crush? I automatically put myself back in elementary school, where 10-year-old Isa finds someone cute, but she doesn’t know how to act. I used to enjoy being a single girl in college. However, now everyone is either in love or has a partner. My friends are all in relationships that are healthy, which makes me realize that I want the “real thing” sometimes.
I’m independent. I can admit that. But when one (or two) cute guys come along, it’s like my thoughts suddenly shift. I think nothing of him until he’s all I think about. So long, the girl who’s all independent and “doesn’t” need a man in her life. My thoughts start circling when I’ll be able to see him next. Of course, the curse of having a crush comes with the thought that maybe he feels the same. You start talking to him in class. Follow him on social media. Find out that you actually have a lot in common. You start to text more, you tell your best friend about him (she’s only ever seen you cry about your ex-boyfriend when talking about a man), and you start hanging out more. Until you realize that he doesn’t feel the same way. It’s a feeling all girls get. When you know, you know.
Makes being 10 years old with a crush seem so easy. Makes being (almost) 20 with a crush seem so difficult. The long-lasting effects of getting over your feelings for someone will eventually end. Do I want the feelings to leave, though? Deep down, probably not. He’ll stay in my thoughts for a little longer, as my curse of having a crush also will.
